I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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