Your favorite bartender is back from prision
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
