if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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