so explain again why im purple
no
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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