We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
