You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
