That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize