The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
