Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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