Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
