there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
