what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
