Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
