THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
