Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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