Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
