And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
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okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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