Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
