last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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