what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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