READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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