so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
