I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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