Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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