The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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