Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You ruined the universe
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
