his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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