Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
