never play flip cup with pint glasses
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
