If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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