i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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