is your mom at the bar?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
