now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
