Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
