I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
