so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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