"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
