I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
