the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
