exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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