Just cropdusted the office
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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