How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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