He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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