just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
