I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
