did you get engaged???
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
