Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
