you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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