Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
