I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i've created a new STD.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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