i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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