Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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