just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
