Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
