So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
