i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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