I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
