Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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