Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
