i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
