i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
