He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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