Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
