Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
