you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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