my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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