Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
