I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
