Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
