Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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