we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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