Umm I'm too high to move.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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