i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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