who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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