we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
