I wish I could teleport
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They took my balls.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
