Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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