worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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