I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
