i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
whose ass print is on the piano?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize