It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
